well, anyway, these days i've been training alot, training with a bow-staff(well, it's a broomstick, but when you use it for fighting, it's a bow-staff, lol)

been doing that for hours everyday, since holidays started, which was nearly a week now, but i've been doing it since i was like 6, so it's nothing new

i think of fighting as a form of meditation, so it really helps me to clear my mind, and i've also doing normal meditation too, so i've been very reflective(even more than usual these days) pondering life's mysteries and meanings

i've been thinking bout going away to Tibet or somewhere around the borders of india an china, or prolly just india, in the himalayas, i'll, go wandering, find some inner peace and whatnot. I just have the problem of the fact that i still have to get my degree, which means another 4 years in the system that really seems like it's holding me back. But for my parents peace of mind, and to have a sound back-up plan, i'll get my degree, then i'll go off.

when i go, i'll find a guru and go into training, to find my Self. So i'll basically become a monk, which'll be awesome, though it'll be somewhat hard to leave everything i know behind, give up material possesions, and live off the land and stuff(beg for food and hunt >_<). But it'll be worth it, plus, i'm not too attach to physical things as most are, actually they mean very little to me, so i think i'm ready. Physical things include people, well, at least their bodies, but i believe we are all connected spiritually, so i won't have to miss anyone once i remember that.

That doesn't mean it won't be hard letting go, it always is, but i'll come back in some years after, perhaps guide people, then when i get old, i'll go back to the forests or mountains or whatever.

well, those are my general thoughts these days, not going into any wisdom i've found, but more on the actions that'll i'll take with the knowledge i've gained. Since within my search, i've found so many truths, and to each, a thousands more questions are formed, and it'll be impossible to dive into it now.

Here are two more poems i've made:

alright, i wrote this out some time in october and never actually posted it, kinda late now, but w/e

hey, sorry i haven't posted in a while
the last month and a half's been stressful, lot's of stuff that I had to deal with
i had alot of work, training and my gf broke up with me, and I was depressed about that for a while, heh, i know it's kinda pathetic, hell i knew it then too, couldn't help it though lol

ah well, i've been doing work and stuff mostly, so not much new to say really
I'm in form 6 now, and cause of the new structure, i have a huge exam at the end of the year, so i have to be prepared, bleh, lol

i've made two poems since i last posted. Here they are:

“Free fall”

I saw nothing then.

I looked at the sky,

The abysmal dome of night,

Specked with stars,

But lonely,

And thoughtful.

Then I saw it,

Couldn’t make it out,

At first,

Then it burned brighter,

Only a little,

My eyes focused,

And followed.

Then I saw it,

For what it was,

A bright flare of hope,

It burned brilliantly,

Lighting up the sky,

More radiant than the sun,

But just maybe,

The setting’s to blame,

It was a dark place,

Dark time.

Then I saw it,

Swim up,

Through the dark pool,

Burning its trail,

It’s path,

Burning itself,

(As I was to find)

In me,

In my memory,

(Heh, R.I.P.)

In my heart,

And unfortunately,

In my soul.

And then I saw it,

Oh yes I saw it,

Didn’t miss a second,

I saw it,

I saw it fall,

Fluttering,

In chaos,

It fell,

And fell,

And fell,

And fell,

And drowned,

Like a black veil shrouding it,

It disappeared.

Then I didn’t see it,

It had burnt itself,

My falling star,

(Fallen star)
My suicidal falling star,

Passed the brink of beauty,

And became nothing,

My shooting star,

You shot me,

My heart,

And unfortunately,

My soul.

I looked at the ground,

I looked down,

No point in looking up,

Not anymore,

The sky was empty,

Some saw my star too,

They didn’t feel it though,

Not like me,

They walked away,

Turning their backs,

Fickle fiends,

Did they not remember?

The light it brought?

It’s beauty?

It’s elegance?

No, perhaps not,

‘Tis not their fault,

Fickle Fate,

It’s yours,

Or perhaps,

It didn’t happen,

It did feel unreal,

Like a dream,

The knowing crowd,

Says it is,

Unkown.

But I saw it,

I saw it shine,

(More majestic than the moon)

In the night,

I saw it rise,

Burn,

And drown,

I saw it kill itself,

I saw it fall.

By Kishan Solomon

And I'm glad you know.

By Kishan Solomon(ME)

Dedicated to My Golden Angel, duhhh

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Imaginery - Evanescence

Yo, wassup? This is my first entry here and i figured i should have one, although there may not be a point to it. Ah well who needs purpose anyway?
That's what I was thinking about today, I could be happy if all I did was lay down on my back and watch the clouds pass me by. Never thought I would ever think that.
I'm usually disgusted with people who just live for themselves, those that don't have any aspirations or dreams, I mean life's pretty short, why not make it better for the future, cuz the 70-80yrs of our lives prolly don't matter when ou think of the whole universe, then time is warped to an unimaginable scale, literally, i can't imagine it
But now all I want is to rest, I guess that's hypocritical.
I'm normally disgusted with hypocrites.
It's a cycle of hate.

I can't see a purpose, i guess i'm intelligent, but my grades aren't doing so well.
I have one of the biggest tests of my life coming up, and I swear I'm trying to study, I even stopped talking to some of my friends, I stopped playing games, but still.....
these days I can't help feel there's something missing, like if I lost something, it's probably the worst pain I've ever felt.

I feel it on and off, but the thing is, it really effects me.
Now I can hardly concentrate, and I don't care about anything much anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter, I just lost my passion..........for life
But it's not like it's the first time I've had probs, so i guess i'll figure something out.
Maybe I should talk to my friends and thing more but honestly, they're always caught up in their own drama to care

Most of the time, it's like a contest of who seems to be in a worst situation, like a fight for attention, though in the end, no one gets it.

So whenever I see a friend with a prob, I swallow my pride and help them out.

I realised though, that I keep too much inside, this isn't purposefully, it just happened that way, since some one always has a drama, and there's no one to go to.
Plus I realized that ppl don't like to hear others probs, and it hurts when even my friends don't care, so I try to "do unto others as you would have others do unto you"
Now it's coming back to haunt me, but i suppose i'll be fine

Wow what an intro, i doubt anyone is gonna read this, so i guess it's alright, and if anyone does, i'm sorry about that, just needed to get some stuff off my chest, though it didn't really help much considering i left out alot of stuff, but it's too long for me to do now